Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Getting Over A Friend

In October my Best Friend of nine years graduated from basic training. She was stationed at Pensacola Flordia. It was only a two-hour drive and within a few days of her graduating, I skipped school to go visit her. When I saw her I was so happy since I had been depressed and feeling lonely. I had not seen her since May and I was so happy to see an old familiar face. She had accomplished her dream and I was proud of her. I made sure she knew that I was proud and that I would visit her when I was able to. We were so happy to be together. When it was time to go we hugged each other and nothing seemed to be wrong.
That following day I met someone and informed her about him. She didn't text me back and so I thought she was busy. I then texted her after the weekend to ask how she was and when was the next time I could see her. She did not text me back. On Tuesday I thought her phone must have been turned off or something, so I texted her on social media. She left me on read. I was now upset. So I confronted her on why she was ignoring me and if there was anything wrong. She went off on me and proceeded to call me paranoid and that I was no longer her friend. Her words scared me. Within a few seconds, she blocked me on everything and then proceeded to get her other friends to do the same. She was my best friend and now we became strangers.
Her actions set me into another stage of depression. I didn't leave my room for two days and didn't eat for five days. I laid in my bed soaked in tears and snot. She damaged me so much.
Eventually, after a week I began to recover from the damage she had done. I am currently still trying to recover from her.
So with some research, I came up with a few tips on how to get over a lost friendship. It has helped me a lot for the past few days.
Tip number one; get rid of things that remind you of that person. When I was comfortable enough I took my pictures of her down. I then slowly began to put everything that reminded me of her away. I put all of our pictures in my yearbook and I deleted all of our photos off of my phone. The beautiful presents she got me I stored in my closet. Though some things I could not get rid of. Today I was cleaning up my room getting rid of a few things and I was able to part with a few candles and a necklace she gave me.
Tip number two; cut ties when ready. She cut ties with me before I even had the chance to reason with her. Slowly her friends began to unfollow me. It hurt a lot since I had no support from others and I already had damaged self-esteem. A few weeks after the incident I had the courage to delete everyone from my Instagram and Snapchat. I cut ties with a lot of my old high school friends who were having a negative impact on me. I went from nine hundred followers to three hundred in less than an hour. It felt great but it also caused me to have anxiety. These last few followers I had what if they disliked me and unfollowed me? Then I would only have two hundred followers. With social media causing me anxiety I finally deleted the app a few days ago. I cut ties with people who reminded me of my old friend and who were also holding me back from expressing my true self.
Tip number three; being involved in classes and friends. I wasn't involved in my classes after this happened, but when my friend came along I hung out with her as much as I could. Being with her took my mind off of a lot of things. I found myself thinking about the future more than the past. Now that I started a new semester in school I have become more focus on my classes. Spending time to focus on other friends and classes it has helped me a lot.
Tip number four; it will take time. It has been two months since Sam has broken her ties with me and not a day goes by where I don't think about her. I sometimes wonder where she is or if she is okay. Other days I hope she is getting seasick on a boat having the worse time of her life. Thinking about her does not benefit me and I almost hate thinking about her. She is a subject I resent to bring up but feel the need to because if I don't then it won't go away. For two months I constantly think about her or wish bad upon her, and I no longer want to. I know that getting over this is going take time. I just hope throughout this year I can forget about her. Recovery takes time and I just pray that I will be able to get over her.

My Alabama Journey

It all started when my step-dad retired from the Army. He was now in search of a pilot occupation to support my family. After a few weeks of searching, he found the perfect job for him as a pilot instructor. Unfortunately, his perfect job was all the way in Alabama. My Mother and I had never moved out of California even though we had always wanted to. After much thought, our family came to the conclusion that it was wise for us to pack up and move out of the state. I was fortunate enough to find out that we would be moving a few days after I graduated from high school. My step Dad moved out to Alabama in March while I continued school and my Mom packed up the house.
 The last few weeks of my high school went by so quickly. While I was wishing my old high school friends goodbye I was also saying goodbye to my family and everyone I knew. Two days after my graduation I was in my car driving out of California headed to Alabama. For five days I was stuck in my small car with my two dogs and a few of my suitcases. I went to Alabama expecting great change and only hoping for the best. I had left my family, job, and school behind so that I could move. I mean who wouldn't hope for the best? It was like I had left almost everything behind for a fresh start. Thousands of people would die for a fresh start. I was given the opportunity to leave everything behind for something new. I jumped at the chance. As a young adult woman, I wanted something new and inspiring. 
When I finally got to my new home I was taken back. My new home had a lake and a pond in the backyard. In the front yard, there was a smaller pond. It was like everything I wanted. I went inside and picked the best bedroom that had a window that overlooked the pond in the front yard. I then raced outside to go look at the lake which was covered by the overgrown brush. When I looked at the lake I was overcome by emotions. I sat there crying as I watched the water sway. I had left everything behind for this. A new start. Was it going to be worth it? 
Within two months I started school in August and was trying to find a job. Even though I was able to text my friends and see what everyone back home was up to I was lonely. At school, I was quiet and only focused on getting grades. I applied to fourteen jobs and none of them got back to me. I began to feel worthless. In September my thoughts overcame me.  I soon stopped talking to my friends and lost focus in school. I laid in bed all day and soon I wasn't encouraged to attend my classes. My whole world went down the drain. I fell into a depressive state. I would often cry myself to sleep. I was not in a positive position. 
In October of 2018 my worse nightmare happened. My best friend since fourth grade dropped me. She blocked me from everything because I was 'paranoid'. It was the last straw. I cried for two days and I stayed in my room. I didn't eat for five days and I pondered on the idea that I was not worth it. I was on my facebook page when I read a quote from one of my old family friends. It read "You have to break to really glow". That small quote got me going. 
Within two days I met a new friend. We instantly connected. For the first time in months, I didn't feel lonely. All of my depression melted away. Ever since moving there I had stopped thinking negatively about myself. She had made me become a better person. 
So in this new year of 2019, I vowed to myself that I would improve myself. I need to stop people from leaving a negative impact on me. I need to focus on my inner self and stop letting people bring me down. So this is where my journey begins. A new blog to start off a new year and improve myself.